you can't close your heart...

Hi...

I wish I was to send you another happy traveling letter, but... Rather than pretending everything is fine I'm going to honestly tell you how I'm doing. I'm physically okay, but I don't feel very well at the moment. Even though I'm in a country with sun and warmth I feel depressed... and I feel guilty because I'm not as grateful (as I would like to be) for being here at the moment.

I guess you've all had times when someone just happened to tell you something that is a liiiiiittle bit more than you would like to know... Knowing that things aren't really going in my direction back home, and being here without any chance to influence it is difficult. I'm there (or here if you'd like), -and it hurts.

You can always close your eyes to the things you don't wanna see
...but you can't close your heart to the things you don't wanna feel

Going on this trip to India all by myself is causing me to face the things I fear the most in life. My intentions were good. I wanted to prove to myself that I can be independent, and try to find the courage to stand the frightening emotions that I knew was going to come up (some of them scares me even more than death). As a result I was also hoping to maybe improve my self-consciousness a bit. I might have been a little too tough making the decision to go... Right now I find it hard to hold on to my motivation for staying out of the comfort zone and face my biggest fears. Have I taken on too much of a challenge? A part (read: BIG part) of me just want to get on the first plain back home (as if that is going to make it any better). Maybe I will, maybe I won't... I seem to have lost the enthusiasm and focus for my yoga practice anyway...

I'll see if I can get myself back on track...! I was about to say I don't know why I decided to write you all this, but as I was digging deeper I guess it's a way to express my need for love and support... I'd love to hear from you.

Feel free to post me a comment or an e-mail! :-)

tears in the sun
-caïla-