you can't close your heart...

Hi...

I wish I was to send you another happy traveling letter, but... Rather than pretending everything is fine I'm going to honestly tell you how I'm doing. I'm physically okay, but I don't feel very well at the moment. Even though I'm in a country with sun and warmth I feel depressed... and I feel guilty because I'm not as grateful (as I would like to be) for being here at the moment.

I guess you've all had times when someone just happened to tell you something that is a liiiiiittle bit more than you would like to know... Knowing that things aren't really going in my direction back home, and being here without any chance to influence it is difficult. I'm there (or here if you'd like), -and it hurts.

You can always close your eyes to the things you don't wanna see
...but you can't close your heart to the things you don't wanna feel

Going on this trip to India all by myself is causing me to face the things I fear the most in life. My intentions were good. I wanted to prove to myself that I can be independent, and try to find the courage to stand the frightening emotions that I knew was going to come up (some of them scares me even more than death). As a result I was also hoping to maybe improve my self-consciousness a bit. I might have been a little too tough making the decision to go... Right now I find it hard to hold on to my motivation for staying out of the comfort zone and face my biggest fears. Have I taken on too much of a challenge? A part (read: BIG part) of me just want to get on the first plain back home (as if that is going to make it any better). Maybe I will, maybe I won't... I seem to have lost the enthusiasm and focus for my yoga practice anyway...

I'll see if I can get myself back on track...! I was about to say I don't know why I decided to write you all this, but as I was digging deeper I guess it's a way to express my need for love and support... I'd love to hear from you.

Feel free to post me a comment or an e-mail! :-)

tears in the sun
-caïla-

Live like you'll die tomorrow

My stomach is all better now. Finally... And I might have lost those 2 kilos that I wanted to take off... lol
Yea, and I'm now having the rest of the passionfruits I bought the other day. Yummy!

Yesterday we had a day off. For some reason it's Saturday, -not Sunday, we're allowed to skip the practice here... The beach was great! I read my book, had a fruit salad, had a swim to cool down (actually you don't really get to cool down because it's too hot...), and fell asleep. Which is probably the reason why I'm quite sunburned today... Oh well, it will pass. Everything will pass (which is a pity when things seems be just perfect...).

I think we'll have another photo session on the beach this week. I'll make sure to post the photos if there's any good ones.

I stayed up really late last night, and when I finally got to bed I just could not get to sleep. The guard at the retreat center kept on hawking (really loud!) and spitting ever 30 second for hours. And then I came in mind I've brought some ear plugs. Thank God!!

I still managed to get myself up for the yoga session this morning. We're having one this this afternoon as well. So there's not really a relaxing hang-out-on-the-beach kind of vacation ( which I don't really like anyway). Well, just now (in between classes) I'm chillin' in the shadow though. Probably wise since my skin is all sunburned. I guess I had enough sun at the beach yesterday...

Did you know that one of the most common place to die in India is in the shower?? For some reason they seem to always put their hot water tank just above the shower ...and then bzzzzzzzzzzzt..... So the people only having cold water showers apparently generally live longer if we were to look at the (I guess not existing) statistics. (Although they might be more poor and die of other reasons.) Right now I'm showering several times a day. Hmmm... I might better stop sweating when I do my yoga. If you guys miss me (at least just a little bit so that I can feel special) and would like me to come back alive. You do, right?? Okay, I'll make sure to keep my shoes on when showering then.

Well, I'm having a great time here in Assago (who ever knows where that is - I may not think you'll find it on the map), Goa doing my yoga and chillin' on the beach. I'll do my best to share this experience with you all through this blog.


Sing like no one is listening
Dance like no one is watching
Love like you've never been hurt
Learn ( and dream...) like you'll live forever
Live like you'll die tomorrow



Take care!


Caïla

Traveling in India...

Oum...
(usually it's for the founders of yoga, but this time I'll honor you guys)

Since last mail I've been running back and forth to the toilet every half an hour because of what they in Egypt would call a "jalla"(=hurry)-stomach (don't know what they call it here in India). For a couple of days I was feeling quite bad. My whole body was aching so badly that I could not lay down to sleep at night, and I walked like an eighty year old. I also had this "jalla"-stomach, fever and headache because dehydration and no sleep. Finally I decided I 've had enough of it and went to see a Indian doctor. He gave me a bunch of anti biotic pills which I throw in the garbage once I came home (wow, I've started to cal this "home" already...). I feel quite better now though. :-)

Yesterday night some of us (the yogi's here) went to the beach to shoot some pictures. I've attached a few to give you a taste of how my stay in India has turned out to be. Get ready! They're quite nice. I'm quite good looking, am I not? Look at that leg pointing straight up in the air!!

After practice this morning I went to the market in "Mapsa" (at least that is how they pronounce it) to buy some fruits at the market. Now I'm sitting on the terrace writing you and eating delicious pomegranates, mangos and passionfruits (my absolute favorite!). Isn't life just wonderful?!

I mostly eat fruits and salad. When I'm away from the Norwegian chocolate "det lille stykket Norge...) I'm quite healthy. At least I like to think so.

...pssst...! ...even though my stomach is a bit funny I had a delicious brownie with melted chocolate on top last night. Jummy! ...but don't tell anyone.

Next week on of the world best yoga teachers (David Swenson!!!) is coming. Even though it will be crowded (read: mat touching mat, hot and barely no oxygen) I'm so much looking forward to that workshop!

I'm off to a pranayama (breating) class.
Take air!


Caïla

Hi from India!

Hi everyone!

After a looooong trip with a stop in Vienna, a night at the airport in Mombay (after an interesting trip from the international airport to the domestic airport by public bus), and 1,5h by taxi I was finally in Goa.

...so welcome to India! (This mail should be read loud with the tong a little back and curled upward for best indian sound effect) I'm riding a motorbike for the 3rd time lol It's hard to get used to drive on the "wrong" side. Also there are not only lots of people and crazy drivers driving in the roads, but also cows! Crazy drivers, cows in the streets, a bangla-bangla-language that sounds so funny it's hard not to imitate people when they talk, a hole in the floor toilet) etc. This is India. And yoga of course...! That's why I'm here.

I was really concerned about going to India on my own. But as the book tells you I descided to "feel the fear and do it anyway"... There has been moments I've regret it because I sure meet a lot of the things I fear the most on this trip. And when the travelers bible let me down by not even mentioning the place I'm at here in the northern part of India. The internet here is also quite unstable, and for my first days it was mostly down. Even in a country with more than one billion inhabitants I felt disconnected to the world (read: you) and kind of Lonely on the Planet... Traveling on my own to India I feel quite scared sometimes, but I'm sure I'll grow from it. I think I've done a good piece of work on my self-development already even by going on this trip. And... what doesn't kill you (like the motorbike rides or something...) will only make you stronger, right...?..

Goa is full of party-monkey-tourists so I had a hard time finding a nice and quiet place to stay the first nights. I finally found myself a bamboo hut on the beach. Though I was probably the only one not being completely stoned, but...

Now I've moved a bit further south of the northern part of Goa to attend a yoga teacher training. The retreat centre is great, and even though it's quite expensive (away above my low budget) I've decided to stay here for at least a couple of days. The training is quite intense, and I get to practice yoga mostly two times a day.

Well, I've got to get up early tomorrow for my yoga so it's time for savasana (lay down pose in the end of each practice)...


Namaste
Caïla